You’re going to love these funny pregnancy quotes I’ve got for you. I’ve recently been writing about pregnancy and how you go through so many different emotions.
I think a lot of the time we can get focused on the negative things and forget to actually enjoy the experience of being pregnant.
At the end of the day, it only lasts 9 months right?
I’ve noticed at times during my pregnancy that I’ve lost my sense of humor, who has time to laugh when you’re so tired?
I’ve decided to snap out of it and start working on being happier!
I can literally spend hours on Instagram looking up funny videos and memes, so I’ve decided to put together some funny quotes about pregnancy and we can all have a laugh at the ridiculous things that cross our minds….and things we are all probably thinking but probably shouldn’t say out loud!
Even though you may feel like crap a lot of the time, take 5 minutes to sit down with a cup of tea and have a little chuckle.
I hope you find something on here to make you smile!
101 Funny Pregnancy Quotes
“Woohoo, it’s my birthday. Oh wait I’m pregnant”
“I love insomnia! And having to pee five times every night! And this dried out hair and blotchy skin!… Said no pregnant woman ever”
“If heartburn during pregnancy really meant that you will have a hairy baby, all my kids would have looked like Chewbacca”
“That awkward phase in pregnancy when people can’t tell if you’re pregnant or just fat”
“Oh good, I’m pregnant. Bring on the unsolicited advice and inappropriate belly touching”
“People always say that pregnant women have a glow. And I say it’s because you’re sweating to death”
“I remember being able to get up without sound effects….Good times”
“You don’t realize how many people your friends hate, until you have to name your baby”
“Never ever eat the last piece of anything while eating with your pregnant lady”
“The first trimester of pregnancy is one long all-day hangover. Except for the only thing you overindulged in the night before was Netflix”
“Pregnancy is the happiest reason ever for feeling like crap”
“When is the right time to ask a woman if she is pregnant? Never, I repeat Never”
“Woohoo it’s Friday….Oh wait I’m pregnant”
“Caution: Touching my bump will result in getting throat punched”
“Hungry, tired, Nauseous, Can’t sleep, Thrilled, Terrified, PREGNANT”
“Morning = Tired, Afternoon = Dying for a rest, Night = Cant sleep”
“You know you’re pregnant when all you fantasise about is sleeping for more than 1 hour at a time”
“There is that moment in pregnancy when you realize shaving your legs has become a life or death struggle”
“The only productive part of me today has been my bladder”
“I am not Buddha. Rubbing my pregnant belly will not bring you good luck, prosperity, or wealth”
“There is a stage in pregnancy when people get confused between congratulating you and advising you for a gym membership”
“Parenthood is the scariest ‘hood’ you will ever be in”
“I think I’m pregnant with a boy because whenever I pick up the remote, he kicks me”
“To pee or not to pee? That is never the question. Pee.”
“Pregnancy problems: The mood you get in where you want to punch everyone in the face”
“My current fashion style: Things that still fit”
“We are pregnant. Don’t be sad for us, it was on purpose!”
“My current fashion style. Things that still fit”
“If pregnancy were a book they would cut out the last two chapters”
“Peezing; sneezing and peeing at the same time,” enough said”
“Not a waddle. Just pregnancy swag”
“Can’t eat because of nausea. Nauseous because I can’t eat. Well played, pregnancy. Well played”
“You know you’re getting old when your friends start having kids on purpose”
“I was told there would be glowing”
“Pregnancy is when you are officially allowed to swear and curse at your husband and blame it all on your hormones”
“Pregnancy is a period of time when you get to experience both heaven and hell”
“Being pregnant has made me realize it takes talent not to pee yourself when you sneeze”
“Most enjoyable moments of pregnancy? Well, the heartburn, restless legs, back pain, nausea, and fatigue of course!”
“Even though you can’t keep a plant alive, I think you’re going to be a great parent”
“Ask me if I’m having twins one more time!”
“It’s double the giggles and double the grins, and double the trouble if you’re blessed with twins”
“Not sure if it’s pregnancy hormones making me a bitch or if I have a valid reason for my behavior”
“When people congratulate me, I like to say, “For what?” and watch them panic”
“If you heard 20 minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up”
“That moment when all of your friends are dieting and exercising and you are just pregnant like ’Baby wants a cupcake’
“Ask me the gender and due date one more time”
“Months have an average of 30 days, except the 9th month of pregnancy which has about 1,000 days”
“Relax, baby will come when it’s ready” Said no ‘overdue’ pregnant woman ever”
“The best things in life will either make you drunk, fat or pregnant”
“Hello third trimester….Goodbye feet”
“How to make your husband your personal servant for nine months? Get pregnant”
“The hardest thing about pregnancy is not being able to see my feet. And by feet, I mean vagina”
“What idiot decided to call it morning sickness!?! I’ve got this crap ALL DAY!”
“Look at all these clothes….They don’t fit me anymore”
“Exercising while pregnant is like eating kale on cheat days”
“That moment when you realize that you have 10 weeks to finish what you have been putting off the last 30 weeks of pregnancy”
“I’m pregnant not furry. Don’t pet me!”
“Peeing on a stick and preserving that stick is the start of the many disgusting things you will do as a mother”
“Running out of womb”
“Yes I’m positive there’s only one baby in there. Can I throat punch you now?”
“Now that I’m in my third trimester, I sleep sitting up so I can breathe”
“Oh it’s not the pregnancy hormones. I never liked you. Ever”
“Trimesters of pregnancy: 1. Sick and tired, 2. Baby kicks are so cute, 3. Get this baby out of me!!”
“The responsible woman in me is budgeting for groceries. The pregnant woman is going “Oooo! Chocolate Cake!”
“Pregnancy definition: Tired, tired and a little more tired”
“I am pregnant which means I am sober, swollen and hungry. Approach with caution”
“Sugar and spice and everything nice. Oh my gosh! It happened twice!”
“I’m so full….but I’m so hungry”
“I’m not entirely sure if I’m angry or sad or both or neither or hungry or tired or bored. I just don’t even know….”
“I haven’t had alcohol in months. This is not a pregnancy glow it’s a detox glow.”
“I have two brains in my body but I have never been so dumb”
“You know you’re pregnant… When you’re in the kitchen cooking, drop something and stand there thinking “Do I really need that?”
“Pregnancy isn’t easy but it’s worth it”
“Don’t ask me why I am crying because I don’t know”
“I’m growing a new life inside me what you doing?”
“Shoutout to everyone who got through the day without a nap. Pulled an all-dayer today. Pretty rough”
“Sneezing for a pregnant woman is like playing Russian roulette: you never know when something’s going to come out”
“Just walked out of the bathroom…..have to pee again!”
“Wishing I could sleep, but someone is using my stomach as their own personal bounce house”
“Pregnancy problems: Your spouse wants to spoon and the only thing you want to cuddle with is your body pillow”
“Please be nice to the men whose wives are pregnant”
“Not to brag, but I haven’t had a mood swing in, like, 7 minutes”
“At 8 months pregnant, one does not simply “roll over in bed”
“Something must be wrong. I feel too good”
“When I found out I was pregnant, I was overcome with pure happiness. No periods for nine months, and that’s a reason to celebrate”
“Pregnancy can turn the nicest woman into a crazed, hormonal she-beast. So just imagine what it’s doing to me”
“Me: I’m exhausted, Fitbit: You have taken 9 steps today”
“You still pregnant? No, just shoplifted a watermelon”
“I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband”
“Warning: Due to the influence of pregnancy hormones I could burst into tears or kill you in the next 5 minutes”
“Don’t tell me leggings aren’t pants. I’m 9 months pregnant: Pants are whatever I decide they are”
“Why no, I have not tried crackers, ginger, small meals, or sipping water. I enjoy morning sickness so much, I thought I would embrace the whole experience”
“A mother’s sacrifice isn’t giving birth. It’s 9 months without wine”
“Pregnancy is 9 months of cheat days”
“Pregnant women can easily become millionaires. They just need to charge $5 per belly rub”
“Bra off, Hair up, Belly out”
“My daily meals include: breakfast, brunch, lunch, pre-dinner, dinner, pre-dessert, dessert #2 and a post-dinner snack”
“I’m having a natural childbirth in that it’s natural to take drugs that lessen excruciating pain”
“Everybody leave me alone. I’ve had a busy day being pregnant and I have to do it again tomorrow”
“Yes. I’m clearly pregnant, but if you remind me once more of how huge I’ve gotten. I’m going to eat you”
There we have it!
101 Pregnant Funny Quotes
I hope you found some thing in this list to have a laugh at.
Remember there’s a light at the end of the pregnancy tunnel and after you fall in love with your baby it’ll all be forgotten and you’ll probably want to do it all over again!
Thank you for visiting and good luck with your pregnancy!
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